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There is askill and an art to it, for sure, and for a long time, I sort of resentedhaving to practice. But E has always insisted that I "work on my face"for at least half an hour each day. When I complained that it was boringor unnatural, she just laughed and told me that I would need to acceptmany boring and unnatural things as a girl. "So many trifles! So manydetails!" she had said. "Welcome to your life, sis."Closely related to make-up are my hair and nails. Manis and pedis weresome of the first steps I took down this road, and I have had immaculatenails for the past couple of years. I haven't grown my nailsuncomfortably long, but I do keep them painted, frequently to match myoutfits. Likewise, I've grown out my hair, and while too thin for mytaste, I can still do things with it. E showed me that I can compensatefor a bit too much forehead by wearing bangs, cut straight across over myeyebrows, and I wear the back about shoulder length. Still, I rememberthe day she took me to. But then, in another bin, there it was! The dust cover was scratched and torn. Someone had picked it up and then put it down again. I took it to the cash register. My hands were shaking and I was really embarrassed when the cashier, an older woman, looked disapprovingly in my face as I handed her the five dollar bill. At work, I kept it in its bag in my bottom draw, then brought it home and put it in my dresser under my sweaters. Usually we share everything, but I felt drawn to this book in a strange way, and ashamed that I took it so seriously. I was dying to look at the pictures and read the captions, but I waited for two days until you were at work late. Then, I took it out and sat at the kitchen table with a glass of wine and paged through it. This was a different world. Was it heaven, or was it hell? Maybe they're the same, for some people. There were men and women in positions of power and subjection: men dominating women, women dominating women, women dominating men, men.
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